D-MER - that extreme but temporary sadness you may feel while nursing your baby

“You know that feeling when your baby latches and your milk lets down and everything feels foggy and sad for a moment, and then it clears up and you feel fine?” one mom asked the rest of our group as we sat in a park with our newborns.

Yes, I knew the feeling. I lived the feeling a dozen times a day and had never heard another person describe it until then. By this time, I had read books about nursing, attended a class at the hospital, and went to a support meeting. I had met with lactation consultants in the hospital where I delivered my daughter, and at the pediatrician’s office once we had been discharged. I was part of quite a few Facebook groups meant to provide support and advice for giving human milk to babies. At some point I had accepted that these temporary, but reoccurring bouts of sadness must have been a “me” thing. Finally, someone else was voicing a similar experience.

I searched a combination of words like “breastfeeding temporary sadness,” and learned the term D-MER. D-MER stands for dysphoric milk ejection reflex. Those with this condition experience sudden uncomfortable or negative emotions immediately before milk is released from the mammary glands for up to a few minutes. It is unknown how many people experience this condition, and it does not affect everyone in the same way. People with D-MER have described varying degrees of anxiety, depression, and anger. Sometimes it resolves within the first 3 months, but it can last the duration of one’s breast/chest feeding or pumping journey. This is often misunderstood as postpartum anxiety or depression, or breastfeeding aversion. However, D-MER is different.

D-MER is a reflex caused by an inappropriate drop in dopamine when milk is released. Like postnatal disorders, D-MER is hormonal and is not caused by the parent. Learning the science behind this roller coaster of feelings was enough to improve my D-MER symptoms because I felt less isolated and afraid of them. If symptoms are persistent, suggestions include:

· Discussing symptoms and prescriptions options with medical professionals

· Logging D-Mer symptoms to track if anything is worsening the symptoms, such as diet, caffeine, or nursing/pumping environment.

· Lifestyle changes to increase dopamine levels, such as more sleep, staying hydrated, and physical activity.

When preparing for the arrival of my second baby, I took steps to establish a comfortable nursing environment. When she arrived, I paid more attention to my nutrition, hydration, exercise, and rest, than I had after my first birth. I remained on the lookout for D-MER symptoms to discuss with my trusted medical team. Fortunately, I did not experience D-MER the second time around, but the initial experience had a lasting impact on me. It shed light on the fact that even though society has learned an incredible amount about pregnancy, birth, lactation, and postpartum, there are many disruptive and impactful symptoms and conditions that are not often discussed among parents and may not be common knowledge to every care provider. I am thankful to the mom who shared her experience, so that I could find comfort in knowing I was not alone.